its been a while since I've blogged about anything here or anywhere else... been very busy with work and haven't been able to do anything else for a while now.

I would like to thank those people who added my artworks to their favorite list. I really appreciate it, its really nice to see that people appreciate your work for what it is. It also lifts my spirit (even a little bit...) know that i can make a good work and somebody will like it.

THANK YOU!!!

Uhm i don't think nobody reads my blogs here at DA anymore so I'll just type it down as i feel it...don't really care if anyone will read this, if you do thanks for reading and hope you understand my situation...i just want to release the tension i've been feeling for quite sometime and i' haven't been able to release by talking to others...maybe this can help..

sorry if you're going to find it corny or over dramatic...^_^;

i've been very very confused and out of thought the past few weeks...i tried talking with my friends...tried to rant out everything but it doesn't work..the feeling is still there and im not able to tell everything in one sitting...i don't know i'm so confused...

i don't know how it all started it just piled up until everything spilled over and i can't hold it in anymore...

i feel my heart is getting sucked out dry of everything that i feel, and sometimes only emptyness remains...a void...in my heart...loneliness..bitterness...regret...sadness...grief...guilt...it all remains there...its so..sad...haaaay...

its so hard to describe in words what im feeling now...that's why i haven't been able to talk to anybody about it...i just ponder with my thoughts and just keep quiet...im not a good talker...

first i guess its the work part, this year wasn't a good start of the year for me. it really sucks when you screw-up so much at work and when it happens a lot i just wonder...is it my fault? what's going to happen in the future? i try to stay positive to keep my spirits up and i try to make up for the blunders i made...yet i still feel i haven't done enough at work. i don't have a very high pride, im very humble and i don't often defend myself once i realize that i am wrong...i just say ok...and i fix it...hoping i've done ok. then when you thought you're done for the day and everything is ok, a person comes and says something is wrong again...and it never ends...

i don't know why but i get pissed off with myself because of those mistakes...saying 'why have i made that kind of mistakes...im so stupid...' i know i should be a professional and just take it...i shouldn't take things personally but...im still a human..and it doesn't take much to fill an overflowing heart..

i try hard to do everything that is given to me...and yet i feel its not enough...i've screwed up 3 times already...i think...and all of them are in succession...does that mean im out?

after those incidents, coming back and starting over is so hard...
now i feel underated, underused and left out. though i have friends in the office and they keep me company and my spirits up by making me laugh, they still don't know what im feeling..its hard to tell anyone at work about this...i know there are people in the office who thinks lowly of me. i can't blame them for that...its work related stress...still not used to it...

im so confused on how to interpret the things happening right now...whenever i think about it, it just saddens me more...i try to forget it but whenever im alone or going home i still think about it...i sometimes seek the shelter of my friends for a little while just to forget about it but it just haunts me afterwards...i stay late thinking about it...i don't go home early just to ponder about it...
i think im just relieving myself temporarily of the burden i carry...
my friends keep saying its "ok, everything will be alright. you've done what you can.."

if you read it all i appreciate it...thanks for being patient. i'll still add somemore details once i have time.